Chapter 5
I packed a small suitcase and headed to the airport.
42%
My destination was completely random–I stood in front of the departure board, scrolling through options on my phone until I found a flight to San Diego leaving in two hours with seats still available. This sudden freedom left me disoriented,
almost dizzy with possibility.
Since that summer before senior year, my entire existence had revolved around Ethan Marina. At first out of crushing guilt, then out of a twisted sense of
responsibility that I mistook for love.
Every time I’d seen him alone on the school roof, smoking and staring into the distance with hollow eyes, something in my chest would physically ache. Loving him–or trying to–had become my life’s mission, my penance.
But he’d never wanted my love. And now, finally, I didn’t have to force it anymore. My parents called as I was checking in, their voices frantic with worry. “Where are you going? You can’t just disappear after something like this,” my mother pleaded.
I could only reassure them with empty words: “I need some space. I promise I’m
okay.”
As I settled into my window seat, sinking into the worn blue fabric that smelled faintly of cleaning solution and perfume, my phone vibrated against my palm. Ethan’s name lit up the screen, making my stomach clench reflexively–a physical response I couldn’t control yet. I took a deep breath, reminding myself I didn’t owe him a response anymore. Still, my thumb hovered over the notification, that old, habit of immediate obedience hard to break.
[Photographer can only fit us in next week. Running out of time.]
I let out a bitter laugh, drawing curious glances from nearby passengers. Was he serious? Why tell me this?
Was he trying to twist the knife, reminding me that our five years together hadn’t. even been worth planning a proper wedding? That while I’d spent years dreaming
of white lace and champagne toasts, all I’d gotten was a courthouse ceremony and
an
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12:56 PM Mon 10 Mar
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05
empty marriage bed, but Kate would get everything?
He probably couldn’t hear the genuine relief in my “congratulations” at the
restaurant.
It wasn’t just for him–it was for me too.
I could finally stop pretending to love a man who drained my soul. Loving Ethan was like trying to fill a bathtub with the drain open–exhausting and pointless.. After paying my dues for more than a decade, I’d finally exhausted all my guilt
toward him.
I thought for a moment, then replied: [Take plenty of pics. Not coming to the
wedding.]
The typing indicator appeared, disappeared, appeared again. But no message came through..
The flight attendant announced we were preparing for takeoff. I switched my phone to airplane mode and dropped it into my bag.
As the plane began to ascend, my body felt lighter with each foot of altitude we
gained..
No more Edham Marina. No more having to hear his daily reminder: “Uw, if it weren’t for you, my life would have been completely different.”
Three hours later, we landed in San Diego..
The moment I turned my phone back on, a flood of notifications filled my screen.
All from Ethan. The most recent sent just seconds ago..
It’s midnight. Where the fuck are you? You know curfew is 10XFIMT
I stared at my phone in disbelief. Divorced, and the still thought I had a curfew?
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