196 The breaking point…
Lyla to
If anyone thinks I am calmly processing the revelation that Nanny is my mother, let me assure you – I AM NOT! I haven’t reached that level of maturity yet, nor do I care to pretend otherwise.
I am furious!
Every nerve in my body is burning with anger, it seems like all the tiny molecules that make up every part of me is boiling so much that I’m practically laden with the anger I feel.
Forget everything I told you earlier about calmly arriving at the temple, being gently ushered in by Terra, Nanny’s best friend and politely asking Nanny if she’s, my mother.
That scenario?
That’s a lie!
A fickle mirage, a façade that will never happen.
–
The truth is, I am the highest level of pissed – livid should fit it more. I am not riding in a taxi to Golden Gates Pack because I can’t afford such luxury. Instead, I’m stuck on a crowded train to Golden Gates, doing everything I can to keep my anger in check.
But it’s hard.
Especially with the mother and son sitting next to me, giggling and showering each other with loud, exaggerated kisses. Their happiness feels like salt in an open wound, a painful reminder of everything I’ve never had and will likely never get.
I was shaking with anger, so much so that I was a minute away from driving this train.
pa
Finally, I arrived at Golden Gate Park and picked up a cab to the Moon Temple. As soon as I reached it, I stormed into the temple, my heart was pounding with rage and heartbreak. The temple was quiet, serene as it always seemed in the stories, Nanny had told me.
I followed the faint hum of voices echoing through the halls, leading me to the courtyard where
a group of women sat in a circle, laughing at something. My eyes went wild as I scanned their faces, searching for my target.
I finally found her.
She was sitting amid the circle of women, laughing, carefree, as if she hadn’t just destroyed her daughter’s entire world.
It infuriated me.
My rage pushed me. I marched forward and it didn’t help that I had heels on, so I practically sounded like a baby thunder roaring. The women turned to me, most of them looked familiar – 1 had seen them at the Harvest Moon Festival.
Most of them looked startled but at this point, I didn’t care I reached Nanny and grabbed her arm, yanking her to her feet, and tightening my hold on her. She looked both surprised and
| 10-26
196 The breaking point….
“Is it true?” I barked; my voice was trembling with fury.
Her face contorted with confusion as she searched my face not before looking around warily, as if she wished this was not happening right here in the presence of the other women. “Lyla,
what…”
“IS IT TRUE?” I shouted. “All these years… all this time… why didn’t you tell me?”
The courtyard fell silent, the other women were staring curiously at us. Nanny’s eyes widened as understanding dawned on them. The colour drained from her features as she stared at me. She
knew.
She took a step backwards, her hands raised placatingly, “Lyla, please…calm down. Let’s talk about this.”
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down!” I shouted, my voice echoing off the walls. “You lied to me! You’ve lied to me my entire life. Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to find out like this?”
Her shoulders slumped and she let out a shaky sigh. “I didn’t lie to you, Lyla. I kept the truth from you to protect you.”
I dry laugh escaped my lips. “Protect me?” I scoffed. “From what exactly? From yourself, you mean? That’s all you’ve ever done, isn’t it? Everything is always about you. You’re so selfish, you never cared about what I needed!” 2
“Lyla, that’s not true,” she protested, reaching for me. “Everything I did, I…”
“Everything you did ruined my life!” I yelled again. “Do you know where I should be right now? I should be celebrating my wedding with Nathan. I should be happy!” tears rolled down my cheeks. “But because of you, I’m not. Instead, I’m here, finding out I’m a bastard. That my whole life has been a lie!”
A murmur rippled through the women before Terra Nanny’s best friend came forward. She had a concerned expression on her face as she came towards me slowly.
“Lyla, please… I know you’re hurt and all but please can you take this somewhere private as you know this is a temple and…”
“No!” I whirled to face, Terra. “Did you know too? Did everyone know except me?” My eyes swept the women watching, noting that some of them averted their gazes whilst the others looked on with confusion. “Of course, you did. You all did.”
“Don’t talk to me that way, Lyla!” Terra snapped. “I don’t care if you have issues but you will respect this temple. You can’t come in here, foaming with rage and expect us to let you? Are you a child? Why are you throwing tantrums?”
“Terra!” Nanny tried to hold her friend but she seemed angry now.
“You think you’re entitled to an apology? Have you considered the sacrifices and every other thing that happened? It was casy for her to do away with you and make sure you never existed, but here you are, shouting and screaming at her without hearing from her first. You cry people judge you all the time, aren’t you doing the same?”
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196 The breaking point…
I paused, staring at her with annoyance. I hated Terra. I hated how everything she said struck a chord in my heart.
“Stay out of this, Terra!” I snapped finally. “This is between me and her.
I turned to Nanny, her face was pale, and her lips were trembling. “Lyla, I never wanted to hurt you. I swear on everything I hold dear. I was young, I didn’t know what I was doing, and all I knew was, that I wanted you. I loved you from the point I held you in my hands, up until this moment, I still love you. You’re my precious gift.”
“WHAT!!!” one of the women shouted so loudly that we turned in the direction. When we turned, it was Priestess Superior, Priestess Diana. Her eyes had grown so large that I was afraid it would pop out. She walked up to us, scanning from me to Nanny and back.
“Miriam, what are you talking about? Is it what I thought I heard true?”
Nanny turned. “Yes, Lyla is my daughter.
Another ripple went through the women. For a moment, I forgot about my anger and turned to stare at them. Weren’t they overreacti
“But how?” one of the younger women in the crowd asked ‘Is it even possible?”
As if on cue, Mother Liora wobbled in, her face was wrinkled in annoyance and she had a stick in her hand. She went straight to Priestess Diana.
“You’re here and the temple is rowdy and unruly?”
“Are you aware that your star pupil, your so–called gift from the goddess is a mother and has given birth?” Priestess Diana narrowed her eyes at Mother Liora as if the more she stared, the more the truth became visible.
“All of you, leave this courtyard, immediately,” Mother Liora shouted with surprising strength. Immediately, all the women dispersed except for Priestess Diana, Terra and another woman who had a contented smile on her face.
“That includes you, Jemima and Diana, Mother Liora glared at them. “Leave here immediately.” Priestess Diana wanted to complain but decided against it. Finally, she left, leaving just me, Terra and Mother Liora. Mother Liora took Terra’s hand and both of them walked out too, leaving us alone in the courtyard.
As soon as they left, Nanny took several steps to me. “There is no excuse for keeping this away from you.”
“Is that the only thing you did?” I snapped. “You wiped my memory off, lied to me and let me believe you were someone you weren’t. You’ve never cared about what’s best for me. You’ve only
ever cared about what’s best for you!”
“Lyla, please listen…” she began again.
“You have all the chances in the world to tell me. All the opportunities to tell me but you let me suffer these years thinking the woman I thought was my mother hated me. gGosh We were together the most, Nanny. We spent the major part of our lives together and you couldn’t tell
196 The breaking point…
me.”
“Lyla…” she tried again.
“I don’t want to hear it. I’m done listening to you. I’m done with you.”
She reached out finally grabbing my hand as she trembled. “Lyla, don’t say that. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
“You don’t love me. If you loved me, you would’ve told me the truth. You would have been honest
with me.
“I WAS ASHAMED!” she yelled, as tears rolled down her cheeks in torrents. “I was 19 when I got pregnant, Lyla to make it worse, he had a mate, he was married and I thought if I could keep it away from you, that the guilt would leave me and maybe you wouldn’t hate me as much…”
